That "special" day

Since my mother died, it goes without fail.  May rolls around and people start to look at me with concern in their eyes and say, “mothers day must be so hard for you…”  My (possibly harsh) but honest response is often, “nah, mothers day has always sucked since my grandmother died right before mothers day when I was five.”  As a kid, I always knew to try to be a little extra sensitive to my father on that day, but couldn’t possibly comprehend what he must have been feeling.  

Once again, my inbox is flooded from every possible marketing attempt aimed at that day.   “Don’t forget to get mom that special gift!”  “Gifts to make mom know she’s special!”  “Make this mothers day memorable!”  Yep.  Got it.  And if that wasn’t bad enough now Instagram is flooded with “targeted content”, staged photos and happy mothers everywhere.  And here’s the deal.  I’m not bitter (although it may be sounding a bit like that.)  I am acutely aware that I am one of the lucky ones.  I had an amazing mother with whom I had an amazing relationship.  When she died, our family knew how much she loved us and she knew how much we loved her.  The only sad part of her story is that she left this earth too soon.  So, no, I don’t need a day to remember how amazing she was.  To think about the enormous impact she had on me, my family and so many others lives.  To miss her.  These are daily occurrences.  

So, perhaps on Mothers Day, as my inbox and Instagram feed is flooded with reminders that our celebration has changed since she is no longer physically with us.  I experience a similar feeling to other “Hallmark Holidays.”  Do we really need a day to acknowledge those we love and care about?  Or should we take every opportunity to show and tell the people in our lives how we feel.  

Like I mentioned, I am one of the lucky ones.  I had the gift of a beautiful, amazing, strong woman as a mother and example for me.  So many don’t.  And it’s not just mothers day.  It’s fathers day and Valentines day and every other holiday intended to make people show their love (or buy material things to show their love), but actually leaves so many feeling sad and alone.  My heart aches for those that have a living parent who is absent, or don’t even know their family and might not have anyone to share that “special day” with.   

So, no.  I don’t have some grand plan or solution.  And I do think that people deserve to be celebrated.  But just remember that what is a mundane day or even possibly something you do out of obligation, or a marketing opportunity, could be a day someone else is left feeling alone, raw, sad or just empty.  For those of you who have lost somebody (living or dead) or never had anyone in the first place, I hope you can find a way to honor them and yourself on these days that otherwise might be tough.  With love.  xxalexandra